I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
