Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
