so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
