Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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