he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
