if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
