plz talk dirty to me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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