guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
