jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Boobs speak an international language.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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