I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize