sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize