well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
