The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
