sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
