Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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