At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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