Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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