mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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