I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
