Im at strip club and am horny
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
