Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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