Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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