Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He has the fingertips of a God
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