oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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