we were pretty classy up until the second keg
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
