I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
