3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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