she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This house was built for laser tag.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
