and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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