I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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