they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
