Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
