You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
