I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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