so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
