I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
