At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
