I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
