phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
