the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
