oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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