I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
