barbara walters just said penis...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
