there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize