I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
