you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
