she was so not down for the gang bang
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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