so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
