not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
