there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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