i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize