A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
