Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
