He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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