I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
