Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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