someone threw a dead crab at me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
