My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
