I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize