five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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