Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize