did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
