just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize