ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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