why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
