He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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