hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
