the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
