I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
