A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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