everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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