its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
