the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
