I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
