I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
