You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
