He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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