Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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